Jesus saves. He also spanks. That's, scientifically speaking, what it means to be sick. The good lord himself is giving you a few slaps on the butt. Which you deserved.
Don't, I repeat, don't go to a doctor. Pray and ask why. That will make you all better.
"Not fair," I hear Christians grumbling, "we don't teach that nonsense anymore."
We can't be sure that is true. They're Christians after all, so there is a rather high probability they are lying.
Even if they're not in this particular instance, they're teaching children other nonsense. Like that pile of debilitating absurdities they call Creationism. Or those cruel, made up myths out of that great collection of amoral horror stories, the Bible. Just to give them some healthy nightmares.
With this kind of attitude to science and reality in general, is it any wonder that the Bible Belt States are not only the most religious, but at the same time the ones with the highest incidence of teenage pregnancies and abortions? Coincidence? Of course not.
Maybe it is the combination of having no morals and no education.
It also goes to show that Christians will lie to you about the most simple things. Not only is this a ridiculous perversion of what illness is, but the mind also staggers at what poor Jesus must be going through on a daily basis.
So many little kids, cute boys and girls, hundreds of thousands of them, to spank on their rosy butts. What is he? Some Catholic Superpriest?
Christians, what will they think of next?