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westonlockley: (Default)
Monday, July 12th, 2010 12:52 pm
The power of prayer: a practical exercise for religious people.

Warning:
this exercise is only for non-atheists. Atheists should abstain as this won't work for them because of lack of faith.

This exercise is meant for religious people, to demonstrate the power of prayer.

If you're a religious person and you are an adult, you surely have children. Because you are heterosexual. You have more than one. Because you only have sex to further god's purpose, which is to populate the earth with more religious people.

For this exercise we'll need two children.

Take two (2) of your children (their age doesn't matter) and break an arm (1) of each. Use a hammer.

Take child A to an hospital and let it be treated by doctors. Whatever you do: don't pray for it. If you can't help yourself, pray something like: "Oh lord, don't heal this child."

Take child B and lay it on a couch or a bed. Gather your spouse and any other children you might have and start praying for it. Pray that its arm may be healed in the name of Jesus. Make it count. Don't hesitate to wail a bit.

It says in the bible that whatever you ask for you shall be given. And the bible tells the truth. Always. Literally.

Jesus himself confirmed this. You can command mountains. Healing a broken arm is peanuts in comparison. And Jesus wouldn't lie, now would he? Of course not.

Have faith. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Notice how those stupid doctors have put a plaster cast around child A's broken arm. Notice how uncomfortable that is. Notice how they make it take all kinds of pills. Notice how they give it injections with antibiotics. Notice how that hurts.

Notice how child B's wound begins to smell a bit putrefied. Notice how gangrene sets in. Don't worry. Don't panic. This is just god testing your faith. Rejoice. Your faith is strong. Invite your neighbors to come and pray with you. Have faith. Pray.

Try not to look too triumphant when you see child A struggling, while it tries to operate a computer and surf the net, with that awful cast hampering its every movement.

Try not to be upset by the howls of pain of child B. Just invite your congregation (yes, the whole congregation) over to your house to pray with you, your family and your neighbors. Pray loudly. Go all out. Come on, give it some oomph. You need to draw the lord's attention. He might be getting slightly hard of hearing by now or maybe he is otherwise engaged and he can't be everywhere at the same time, can he? Wait. Yes, he can. Anyhow, it will also drown out child B's anguished cries.

At the funeral of child B mock child A because its cast is itching.

While in prison for child neglect wonder why child A doesn't come to visit you but prefers playing basketball with its friends instead. How ungrateful. However, god is always with you. Marvel over god's kindness.

Realize how good the lord is. Understand that child B would have died anyway. Whether you broke its arm or not. Whether you took it to a stupid hospital or not. It was his will.

There are several possibilities.

Maybe he has called child B to him because it is so precious to him. In that case it is now sitting at his right hand, watching over you, its loving parent.

Maybe child B was an evil child and didn't deserve to be rescued. In that case it is now in hell and will burn forever and ever and ever. As it deserves. For being evil.

Realize you are an insignificant worm who can't understand the lord's purpose.

Prayer works. It says so in the bible. And everything in the bible is the literal truth. If this weren't the case you couldn't trust anything that is in the bible, could you? That would be just absurd.

Prayer works. Jesus says so. And Jesus wouldn't lie to you, would he? Of course he wouldn't. He loves you.

Pray.

It always works.

Pray.

(Also works great in case of a major oil spill according to Oil Spill Prayer and governor Bob Riley of Alabama. He is no idiot, is he?)


westonlockley: (Default)
Sunday, July 4th, 2010 02:58 am
Religious people should not be permitted to scare and traumatize our children with their vile, cruel horror stories. The violation of their young, unformed and very impressionable minds with these preposterous and evil inventions is tantamount to child abuse.

Children are by definition innocent and, as the weakest members of our society, should be protected from these deluded liars who want to torment them.

As responsible parents we don't like it when our children watch pornography. We should be even more reluctant to allow that they are traumatized into believing the horrible lies of irresponsible, stupid people, telling them that a brutal, narcissistic sadist will burn them forever and ever and ever for imaginary transgressions against this imaginary monster.

No wonder there are so many mentally unstable, unadjusted personalities. Their minds were deformed by malicious falsehoods and as a result their look on life is totally screwed and their values immoral.

By law a person should be at least eighteen before someone can try to pervert him with these atrocious fables.

I wonder how many, well educated, young adults would believe this preposterous nonsense if the first they heard about it was when they were at a suitable age.
westonlockley: (Default)
Saturday, July 3rd, 2010 10:35 pm
Religious people should not ask sane people why they "became" atheists.

Religious people should realize that this question is stupid and offensive.


It is a stupid question because everybody is born atheist. It's the default state of a human being. You don't "become" atheist.

Neither do we "lose" our so called faith. Some of us never believed that nonsense to begin with. You can't lose what you never had. Some of us fell into the vicious religious trap for a while. They didn't lose anything either. They (re)gained their sanity.

The real question is: "How is it possible that you ever came to believe such blatantly ridiculous, obscene and cruel nonsense?"

The answer is: because you were at an impressionable age and totally reliant for all basic things like food, shelter and clothing on other, physically much bigger humans. They abused you and abused your defenseless condition to tell you all kinds of horrible lies and scared you into believing this filth. You were mind-raped.


It is an offensive question because it supposes that everybody is as naive and superstitious as religious people. It is offensive because it presupposes that we are as dumb as the one who asks it.


So, if you are a religious person you should realize that asking this arrogant question only irritates sane people. Don't do it. It's extremely rude and insulting and it makes you look stupid.
westonlockley: (Default)
Friday, July 2nd, 2010 05:37 pm
Religious people should not try to infect others with their disease

I can be friends with someone who is HIV-positive. Why not? I don't judge people. However, the moment he wants to have unprotected sex with me because he thinks I too should be HIV-positive, the friendship ends right there.

I can be friends with an alcoholic. I will make it clear to him that I don't drink. If he still tries to make me drink alcohol because he thinks being an alcoholic is cool, the friendship ends right there.

I can be friends with religious people. I will make it clear to them that I am not superstitious and that I think religion is the worst thing that ever happened to mankind. If they still want to engage me in idle prattle about their specific brand of myths, or worse, try to converse me to their reprehensible superstition, the friendship ends right there.

People should not try to infect others with their disease. It's not polite.

Religious people should all act like the Amish. They live their lives according to their beliefs and bother nobody else with them. That doesn't make their beliefs less ridiculous, but it makes them nice, polite people.

All religious people should be that unobtrusive, humble and above all silent.